A Pizzeria Restroom Graffiti in Brooklyn

I am sitting here broken hearted,
trying to shit, but only farted!!!

Next Life

By Woody Allen

In my next life I want to live my life backwards.
You start out dead and get that out of the way.
Then you wake up in an old people's home feeling better every day.
You get kicked out for being too healthy, go collect your pension, and then when you start work, you get a gold watch and a party on your first day.
You work for 40 years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement.
You party, drink alcohol, and are generally promiscuous, then you are ready for high school.
You then go to primary school, you become a kid, you play.
You have no responsibilities, you become a baby until you are born.
And then you spend your last 9 months floating in luxurious spa like conditions with central heating and room service on tap, larger quarters every day.
And then, Voila!, you finish off as an orgasm!
I rest my case.

George Bernard Shaw

During pinnacle of success and fame of George Bernard Shaw, there was an extremely beautiful actress in England who attended one of Shaw's speech. Despite her extreme beauty, she was an actress of average talent. At the end of Shaw's speech, she audaciously approached him and proposed: "Dear George, I would like to be mother of your child. Imagine, what a terrific combination the child would have with my looks and your intelligence..." Shaw thought for a moment and replied: "But my dear, what if the child gets my looks and your intelligence?"